Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
