Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
this is an emotional support booty call
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
