I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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