Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
