Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
