hotel room ftw
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
