i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
