I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
