his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
