your parents love me but you hate me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Youβre a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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