you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pants are for mortals
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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