I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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