I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
