Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
