You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
