He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
