Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize