i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
