im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
