I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
