I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
