the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
