forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
