i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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