So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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