I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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