it's too hot outside to masturbate.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
