i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
