I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
