you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
