I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize