I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
