I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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