You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
should my penis look like a turkey
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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