this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
