I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
