I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
