My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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