it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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