this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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