Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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