All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
