woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
