with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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