we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
