yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
