He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
