Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We were destined to go to rehab together
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
