I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
