Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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