One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
