just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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