Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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