i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
