Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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