I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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