I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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