No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize