I don't think brook has ever known best
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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