never play flip cup with pint glasses
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't put those talents on a resume
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
