stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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