Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
