ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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