If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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