Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
