Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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