Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
