Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
