I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
