I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All the doctor said was why
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
