Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
