bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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