This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize