I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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