I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
